“ I remember sitting on the steps at the top in our old house and smelling your blueberry muffins.“
One of my kids said that to me the other day and it conjured up really, really warm and happy memories of good times with my children when they were young. Six kids under the age of eight.
I used to make blueberry muffins and chocolate chip cookies frequently when they were little children.I love being a mom. And I have fond memories myself of things that they did and said, tears they cried, giggles they had together, and when they slept in each others rooms. The clatter of backpacks and sports equipment being thrown on the kitchen counter and the hardwood floors of course the opening and closing of the refrigerator which seems like an eternity of an all-afternoon happening. Friends off school buses dropping their own knapsacks and changing into play clothes after greeting me and retrieving a snack from my welcome kitchen counter.
Fast forward… And I’m the same mother in my mid-50s, aging yet still an energetic part-time exercise instructor, forgetting often to pick up her paycheck or rarely checking to see if the money hit her bank account as it is so minuscule. But, no matter, I never did it for the money anyway.
Many of my friends are my same age, Some are years older, many years younger. Some of them have very lucrative careers and do very well in their chosen paths. Most of my friends have children, who are some already grown adults or at least on the verge of their lives taking off in a different direction.
As parents, isn’t this exactly the goal for which we strive for our kids?Laying the groundwork, nurturing the good, realizing areas which need improvement and helping these children to become well-meaning and productive, spiritual and honorable members of society.
Sometimes, when I am sitting amongst my friends and peers, I feel the subtleties of comparison and contrast. No, if you’re reading this, please don’t read it as a complaint or with ire in my voice.
Quite the contrary. Just conversations being had.
Because we, as women cannot help ourselves. It’s hard to ignore history, and let’s face it… Women haven’t always been given a fair shake. I am no women’s libber , and I’m not heralding the MeToo movement, I’m just stating a fact.
Often, as we sit at our happy hours, we are interested in each other and discuss each others respective weeks. We listen to her trips being taken, sales goals being met, patients being saved, and promotions being coveted. We feign interest sometimes, but usually, we listen with enthusiasm to the details.
And often, I am in awe of these women.
I have had that knack of always pressing my own mind, being better than the last step I just took. The “what have you done for me lately?” mentality. Forever wondering if I’ve reached my own potential. Done enough.
After a successful career well into my mid-30’s, I made a decision to become a full time mom, administering to the needs and schedules of a Family of 8. I did and continue to do a good job at this.
But now I find myself with more free time than I like. I question myself , as I mentioned, more than ever, on it I’m now at this time going enough.
I have no regrets at all. As much as we like to say it, there is not a real way to “have it all”. There just isn’t. It’s impossible.
I could have stayed at my sales management position and refused to move from Florida to where I currently reside , and who knows…I could have had a lucrative career, enlisting daycare and/or a nanny/AuPair.
I did not.
I moved here willingly and said goodbye to my career. And that was ok by me.
I was too busy over the decades with the honored position of running the household while my husband’s career flourished.
I consider the two equally as important.
So many memories, so many emotions, good and cringeworthy to describe this path I took.
Although I do wonder every now and then, “what now?”, realizing full well it may be a little late for a women in her mid-50’s to light the world on fire with a new start-up career, I have no regrets.
I applaud women in the workforce, especially now. I love to hear about their days in their respective fields, like teaching, sales, medicine, accounting, finance and many others.
But I would also like to share, wholeheartedly and with content, enthusiasm and pride that there is so much more to motherhood than changing diapers and making school lunches.
So, so much more.
jensumandthensome 