I’ve been battling around in my mind for such a long time now about what the next step is. How I can be a producer? How I can be more effective? Have I done and am I doing enough? Am I able to hold meaningful and intelligent sounding conversations with people around a restaurant dinner table?
Mid50s and wondering what have I done or what am I supposed to get started now?
I have daydreams… mostly during my runs that I’ve had people hanging on my every word or taking my well-thought-out opinion and putting it to use for success.
I suppose I’m thinking this today because recently I met up with some women about my age in a conversation about what we all do. They shared with me their education and where they are in their careers and how their jobs are very demanding and lucrative.
As women often do and as I did at this particular moment, we compare ourselves. I had not much to offer in the way of their conversation, which also included my husband and son.
But I can say this much…
I’ve not only started something pretty darn big but I fed it, I’ve nurtured it, I’ve brought it up, and I’ve helped the world be a much better place by being a mother to six individuals who will take what they’ve learned and offer their talents to help pave a better future for all of us.
I truly understand how important some careers are and having a dual income family is paramount, and how important finding a solution of having a nanny or daycare help for the children is. I have witnessed firsthand how this has turned out quite well in the faces of many individuals who are now old enough to be young adults with character. It is not necessarily a wrongdoing nor a dis-service. I get it. And honestly, I probably could have done it. And then now I would be well set to pick up where I left off now that my kids don’t need me in the same manner they did. Continue on seamlessly with whatever career I had decided to pursue.
But I did not. And I try hard to remember that I have no regrets. Because I never missed a thing and my kids became my career.
I am my own worst critic, the one who constantly questions if I’m done or doing enough and the one who kicked herself in the tail for not having done what she should have.
But lately I’ve learned to think more cognitively . And make things appear more clearly to myself. And I know that what I’ve done, and that what I’m doing, is what I should be doing and will continue to do. It’s enough.
In fact, it’s more than enough.
jensumandthensome 