Month: March 2017

10 Things I Was Told I Shouldn't, But I Did, Do and Will Continue:

10. "You shouldn't run so much.  You'll regret it later."  Well, 24 Marathons, an IronMan, 6 Half-Marathons and countless road races later, many times an AG Winner..and 2 major surgeries later…hell no, I don't regret a thing.  #striveforgreatness when you can.🏃🏻‍♀️

9.  "Women over 40 should always have a bob haircut.  Shouldn't be past your shoulders at this age."  Ha.  Whatever.  I'll wear my hair however I want, thank you very much.💁🏻

8.  "You shouldn't take so many pictures all the time.  You're missing out on the moment".  How stupid is that?  I can, did and will continue to do both. I'm pretty talented that way…a real multi-tasker. 🙄 Come see me in your 80's when the memory doesn't serve as well, and I'll give you some pictures of your kid making the dunk, dropping the cupcake or laughing at her birthday party.📷📸📹🎥📽

7.  "Kids are hard!!  You're crazy if you have more than two!"  Ever had a snow day?  Can't drive anywhere?  I have.  And it was automatic play dates without leaving the living room.  Imaginations at play. 🤰🏻👬👭👬

6.  "Bikinis after 40 at just not appropriate".  (There's that 40 thing again…are we supposed to roll over and die at this age??).  After a decade of pregancy, I began to hit my stride at 41.  I'll wear what I want.🏄🏼‍♀️👙

5.  " Why would you move to Florida after school?  You don't know anybody!!!"  Exactly.  I was always game for new beginnings.  And I loved the sun.☀️🌊

4.  "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.  Skydiving? Why risk it?"  Why not?  And so I did.  Exhilarating as hell.  But… one and done.😳✈️

3.  "Don't sponge paint the bathroom by yourself, Jen.  Hire somebody".  Welll…..ok….I'll give you this one.  Red, green and yellow splotches.  What in the living hell was I thinking?  I'll stick to my other talents!!  Lol.🎨

2.  "They don't let women in the Quarterback Club.  Don't even bother."  I bothered.  I called , asked to be a member, and was denied.  At least I stated my case.  I still think it's stupid.  I probably know more about football than half of them.🏈🙋🏻

1.  "It's kinda too late to start your own business.  It takes years and years to be successful".  We'll just see about that.💰

Meandering down the aisles, one in the cart seat, one holding onto the cart, and four running full speed through the aisles.

Grocery shopping.  With the kids.  All six of them.

Now, I’m not going to lie here and say it was just like a walk in the park going to Kroger with all of my kids, all of them within eight years of each other.  Trust me…we had our moments.  And I will further not lie and admit to it feeling like a spa vacation on the times I could attend the store by my lonesome self, with dad or some other trustworthy babysitter watching the kin.  Honestly, it was soothing almost…seeing the labels, reading the nutrition factors, deciding on my own time between blue Doritos or the orange ones.  

I couldn’t do that with the kids climbing between the high rise soda stacks, or clearing out the bottom cracker shelf so they could lie down on it.

As calming as it was, there was always something…missing.

As I would saunter slowly past the bakery, I would see other little children smiling as the baker lady gave them cookies to help them pass the time in the frozen food aisle.  I would smile to myself as I remembered Matthew with chocolate coating his lips, or Katie with powdered sugar on her chin as they enjoyed the treat.  It became the ultimate reason for going to the grocery….the cookie treat.  In fact, the minute we entered the magical opening doors, the kids would make a beeline to the bakery.  As time passed and I sprinted down with the cart pleading “NOOOOOO……..!!!NOT YET!!!!  THAT’S AFTER THE BREAD AISLE!!!!!”, I finally acquiesced and gave into it.  Cookies first. Actually, truth be told, it bought me some precious time to head to the boring aisles like vegetables and cleaning products.

The memories.  Family time….wherever I can get it.

Today….there is online grocery shopping.  Click it, pick it up and never get out of your car.  Johnny stays in the car seat. Easy does it.

Whew.  What a relief!!!

Or is it?

I will concur, especially on rainy days, how easy and downright like a gift from God that seems.  Nothing harder than grocery shopping in the rain.  Oh, wait, yes there is:  how about grocery shopping in the rain with a a toddler or two, and better yet, with one of them having to “go potty”?  Yeah, I get it.  Been there , done that.

They say we remember the good and conveniently ignore or suppress the bad.

I speak the truth of this.

I just wish there had been iPhones “back in the day”.  I would have taken pictures of Chloe opening up the Cheerios because she “wanted some”.  I would have taken a selfie with Luke and Josh complaining because I wouldn’t let them get out of the cart. Mike liked the Matchbox cars they sold in one of the aisles, and so he just…well, opened it.  So, there was another $4.99 I had to spend.

Yes.  I would have captured it all.

For now though, it’s all right there.  It’s in my memory bank. And it was part of the memory of the best days of my life. 

Think before you click.

I just saw a commercial where a young mom and dad were lying in bed listening to the beckoning cries of their infant in the other room.  They flipped heads or tails via “Alexa” to see who the lucky one would be.

Conjured up many memories of the same.

My infants certainly did not sleep through the night til well past at least their first birthdays.  I wasn’t one of the “lucky” ones.

Or was I?

It’s true…I have read we only seem to remember the good times and seem to block out the bad, which is obviously a very good happenstance!!  I remember the babies…the crying in the night , the stumbling out of bed, tripping, rushing …getting to the baby ASAP!!  Actually, with six kids in almost exactly eight years, there was always a baby in a port-a-crib in my bedroom anyway, just a bend of the body away.

I do remember feeling exhausted, delirious in fact, every couple hours when the baby awoke.

But what I remember the most is the closeness I felt with my loved little baby, the perfect little package in my arms who looked to me to make everything right with the world, the warmness of skin, the sounds of comfort with a feeding or a patting on the back.  And I know they say not to do this…but there was nothing better in the universe than a baby falling asleep on my chest after being the nurturer, the loving parent, the best being ever built by God to take the reins.  While the craziness of the world went on around, even in the wee hours of the night, the place to be at that time was right there nestled on the flannel sheets and skin-to-skin.  All was right.

Today, there are daily reminders my kids don’t need me as much as they used to.  It’s like the balloons in a race…you start with the pace runner holding the balloons to run the entire race and achieve greatness of a goal at the end.  But if you just can’t hang on, the balloons get further and further away.  My kids are like red balloons floating ahead of me, and sometimes they go so much faster than I , it’s just impossible to keep up.  They are at a rate of speed different than my own with their growth and I just can’t seem to figure it out, or keep pace.

And sometimes my feelings get really hurt.  And I just have to shake it off and figure it out.

So I remember.  I remember when I was the biggest hero and larger-than-life person in their own individual worlds.  I had what they needed, craved and wanted, which was oh, so little , but absolutely so fulfilling to them at the time’… I was their mom.  In the light of day, and in the middle of the night.

I do remember feeling “I’m so tired!!!  I’ll never sleep again!!!”

Now I do. 

And commercials like that make me smile.​

It still gets my adrenaline pumping.  The notification of a road race on the horizon.  That guttural feeling, the angst, the anticipation and the thrill of being trained hard enough and proper fly enough to finish in the to 10%, to bear down and win my age group.  The Thanksgving Day Race, the Jingle Bell Jog, the Heart Mini Marathon, and the Flying Pig.

I trained to win.  Or to at least make a showing.  I mean, why else do it, right?

I used to marvel at, and be somewhat envious of, the girlfriends who would show up together at the races, giggling, and wiping hair out of their eyes as the wind blew during the wait for the start.  Their cute little kids and handsome husbands standing with them, lattes and hot chocolates in hand.  Cute outfits, too.  All the accoutrements, including headphones and water belts.  Not a nervous bone in their cute little fit bodies.

Me?

Insanely going over my plan of attack in my head.  Which mile do I take it out?  Deciphering every hill and valley in my memory, knowing when to turn it on, when to back off just a little for the best effect and outcome.  Where should I start?  It’s a chip race now, so a time is a time is a time, but I don’t want to have to weave too much through the masses at the gun, costing me valuable seconds and more aggravation.  (“Like what in the hell is she thinking starting so close to the front???  How annoying!!!!!”)

There’s no time for fun.  If I wanted fun, I just would have woken up at my usual 4:30 am and run in the damn neighborhood, for crying out loud.  I’m here for a reason.

LOL.

I loved the old me.  I really did.  And I still do.  I revel in my thrill of competition , and admire my spirit now from afar, like watching myself on and old home move.  Where did I go?  What has become of “Jen The Runner”?

Well, I’ve discovered she’s still here.  Only …tempered a bit.

Life gets in the way, or better put…Life happens and turns down many streets and up many hills, and saunters down a slope or two. Life’s partner, Age, has a lasting effect as well.  It’s just how it happens.  The evil enemy of the two, Injury, has a spat or two or three or more, with Life and Age, and the three battle it out.

And what’s left is … Jen The Runner…has now become Jen Who Runs.

I’m not going to lie and say it is easy to just become “Someone Who Runs”, because I still have it in my head tot are off and go for it, to try my best.  But now my best is a far cry off what it used to be.  And that’s something I just need to come to terms with.  And I am, little by little.

Now, all I need is a girlfriend to call me and say “Hey, Jen…are you doing the race next weekend?  No?  Not yet signed up?  Will you do it with me?  We can drive down together!!!  It’ll be fun!!!”

Maybe we can get a latte.